I discuss what validation is, how to validate others and yourself, and how this art piece is connected!
Validation is everything. EVER-Y-THING! It is a manner of feeling seen and heard, and subsequently a manner of building connection with others. Who doesn't love receiving validation? It's human to desire this!
Often times, when people come to us venting or talking about a problem, we may become protective of them, or want to “fix” or solve their problem for them! This advice-giving, although extremely well-intended, can be undermining of the other person and their feelings. It can also be undermining of their own autonomy and capacity to resolve what is bothering them. Almost always, listening is enough! It is at the very least, the place to begin; most people can come to their own authentic solutions once they feel heard.
My favorite recommendation for genuinely offering someone validation about how they’re feeling is by telling them, “I can see how you could feel that way.” But only if you mean it! In fact, be prepared to also share how the other person is likely feeling and in what ways you can see how they could feel that way.
Notice what is NOT said:
“I agree with you.”
“I don’t feel that way.”
“I wouldn’t feel that way if I were you.”
“You shouldn’t feel that way.”
True validation is none of those things!
True validation is actually a deep process that involves empathizing with someone by wondering what it must be like to be them in their situation.
Sometimes validating another person can be overwhelming because it may bring up feelings for us that are difficult to acknowledge, whether it’s because of your relationship with the person, your history with them, or because the feeling they may be experiencing is a hard one for you to experience. For example, it may be hard for you to validate someone’s sadness if you have a difficult time feeling sad. This is okay! Self-examination is part of the learning and growing process. Contrarily, there is no reason to believe that there is something wrong with you if someone is unable to validate your feelings. That is okay too! Accepting others where they are is also part of the learning and growing process.
Taking validation a step further beyond expressing validation toward others, is offering it to yourself! It is a similar process. First, you check in with yourself, ask yourself how you are feeling, and then you acknowledge your feelings. Then, you gently tell yourself that how you are feeling is understandable, warranted, and completely okay (e.g. "It's no wonder I feel this way!" or, "Of course I feel this way!") What a gift of reassurance to yourself, and let me be one to say, you definitely deserve this every day!
As shown in this art, giving and receiving true validation feels like a healing hug to the heart!
Wishing you lots of heART hugs!
Yesenia
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